id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
