Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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