I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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