she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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