party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
