I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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