so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
