here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
