Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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