Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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