He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so let's talk penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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