Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
