if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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