I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
