Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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