How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
