Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
