Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
