Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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