I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
