I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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