I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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