May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
