that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
