I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
