sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
