she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are the jesus of drinking
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
