Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
