The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
