No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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