maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
