a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
