She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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