My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
