i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
