Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
