Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
