Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
