I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
