after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
