I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
