She said her name was "party"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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