yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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