I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
