As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
