I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
