when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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