I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
