Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
