Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
