there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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