If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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