people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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